Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
