am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
