there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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