I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize