But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
