I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
