I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
