lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
