I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
