He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Plan B is the new Plan A
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
