please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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