Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
