There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
