I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
