I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize