NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
