you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize