My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
