i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
