Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
