Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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