Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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