At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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