Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
