Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
operation have a gay friend backfired
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
