too bad you live with your parents still
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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