Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm going to jail i love you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
