addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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