not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
