quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
