No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
