i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I need a burrito and a hug.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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