My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
