This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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