Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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