your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
