It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
