so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
