my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
