dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
