Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
