my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
