We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
