guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
