A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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