She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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