everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
