Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You did what with his pubic hair?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
