I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
