I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize