Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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