so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
