i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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