I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
