its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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