I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
