Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
