I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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