He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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