Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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