his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Actions speak louder than pants.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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