Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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