at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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