I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
