I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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