wat bout pragnant strippers??
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
