I puked a lego.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
