Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
