Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
