i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
