too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize