I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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