Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
