remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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