i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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