careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
