Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
