literally had 100 drinks last night.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
