Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
