College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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