i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize