For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
