Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
