I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
