She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
