I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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