yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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