Sry I called you an 8
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
