I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
