and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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