I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
